Obamanomics is Taking Us to Uranus

December 21, 2014

Obamanomics is Taking Us to Uranus

The unfortunate winding down of NASA’s shuttle program this year has had many space enthusiasts (my self included) asking the probing question — what will be the next mission for the United States?  Will it be a trip to the moon, Mars; or perhaps the construction of some new high-tech space station?  I really don’t think the answer will be any of those.

 My gut feeling is that Obama has been engineering our next NASA mission behind the scenes at near light-speed and I think I have a pretty good guess as to what it may be.  Forget about sending a few of our finest astronauts to Mars or the Moon in some newly unveiled super-shuttle, my guess is that our President will be sending all of us on the shortest possible trajectory to Uranus (how you choose to pronounce it is up to you).  That’s right, in true far-left collectivist fashion Obama will make sure that this historic mission will be shared equally by all (except for he and his cronies who will reluctantly sacrifice their seats).  It will be the costliest space mission ever to leave the protection of Mother Earth (and you thought all of Obama’s spending was just being tossed into a black hole).  Please ignore what the mainstream media will no doubt tell you about this mission, the enormity of this challenge will create a huge burden and it will impact all of us, not just the wealthiest among us. 

 The real Obama may seem alien to many of the future astronauts who thought he was a moderate and helped to elect him back in 2008.  Our recent Close Encounters with him show us that as sure as there are rings around Saturn; Obama is a hard-core leftist.  Unfortunately Obama’s ideology has been extremely well hidden; much like the rings around Uranus. Sadly many are still unaware of this fact (if you don’t believe me ask a scientist to show you a photo of the rings around Uranus). 

 What should businesses and individuals expect everyday life to be like on Uranus?  Well, because of its thick, choking, gaseous atmosphere, Uranus is shrouded in a cloud of mystery.   Probing its depths will be met with many unknown hazards, so my advice would be to hold off on any major plans or expenditures for now.  Just keep your hatches securely fastened until we have a better idea about what we’ll be dealing with.  But there are a few things that we do know about Uranus, which may help us with some of the necessary preparations.

 The seventh planet from the Sun; Uranus is enormous and made up of a swirl of gases, liquids and solids.  Perhaps most important to all of us– much like Obama’s economic policies here on Earth; Uranus has no solid ground to stand on.  The methane gas in the atmosphere gives Uranus its pretty blue-green hue but trust me it’s going to smell pretty rotten there.  Uranus does have a diameter of 31,763 miles so there will be plenty of room for all to “share the land”.

 With summer on Uranus lasting over 20 years at the poles you’d think that Al Gore would get the chance to become a cosmic-enviro-superhero, but only if he switches to a global cooling agenda.  The temperature on Uranus (the coldest planet in the solar system) clocks-in at a commerce chilling -355F.  That said we can expect most things to slow to a crawl and get pretty bound-up around Uranus.  This will likely put a freeze on most activity for small businesses and individuals alike.  Larger corporations may fair a little better for a while but there will only be a select few that will be able to afford the force field the Obama Administration is offering to its top crony donors.

 If you think Obama’s Chicago is the windy city you’d better hold onto your wallets.  Wind speeds around Uranus can reach upwards of 560 mph so you won’t want to risk putting yourself out there let alone try to construct anything.  Life on and around Uranus will be rough indeed.

 The main reason for my thinking that Obama is plotting our course to Uranus rather than some other, more habitable celestial body is due to the current economic climate he has created here in the United States.  Thanks to Obama’s brilliant decisions at the helm of mission control over the past 30 + months, we’ve had no choice but to acclimate to the very same kind of conditions we should come to expect while living on Uranus.  In essence Obama’s policies have turned the United States into a smaller version of Uranus.  And everyday more and more of us are starting to pick up the foul odor.

 If you’re reluctant to be sent off into the abyss, I suggest you vote for a new commander in 2012. Otherwise, while Obama is tinkering around with his plans for Uranus, just sit back with your space suits and rations of food-stamps and get ready to enjoy the rough ride on, eh, to Uranus.  While we’re waiting, I’m sure team Obama will need to ignite those printing presses at least one more time to pay for all of this — QE minus 3, 2, 1…fizzzzzzzle!

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