Bloomberg Should Demand Hand Control

July 24, 2014

Bloomberg Should Demand Hand Control

no handsMy article as originally published in American Thinker:       

Following the second recent fatal subway shoving incident in NYC, this one allegedly involving a hate crime, Mayor Bloomberg was quick to throw up his hands in an effort to halt the public from jumping to any incorrect conclusions, telling them to instead focus on the “overall safety in New York.”

Ironically, it is Bloomberg who is usually quick to leap to wrong conclusions and call for the use of the heavy hand of big government to cure society’s ills. Whether he’s pushing people around with soda bans or trying to shove tougher gun restrictions upon them, his answer, like that of all statists, is to throw liberty onto the tracks in the name of security.

Why, then, should Bloomberg handle these brutal subway murders any differently? To remain consistent and put an end to this senseless slaughter by trains, Bloomberg should call for “sensible” restrictions on trains. Of course, doing so would pose a bit of a dilemma, as trains happen to fit in with the whole green agenda and as such are part of a protected class. Unlike evil guns, trains are inanimate objects incapable of any wrongdoing.

Because trains are off limits, Bloomberg would instead need to shift the blame to some other object. And since holding people responsible for their own actions is usually not an option for the left, it makes as much sense for Bloomberg to implement “reasonable” hand control measures to prevent these shoving deaths as it does to call for new gun control laws to prevent shooting deaths. After all, if these “weapons” weren’t so readily available, these train victims would still be alive today. Wouldn’t saving just one life be worth any minor inconvenience to the public?

While the left may scoff at the idea of concealed carry laws for guns, a similar law may be necessary to prevent all of this senseless hand violence. Eliminating open carry and requiring hand owners to keep their “weapons” concealed in their pockets within a hands-free-zone of at least fifty feet from any set of tracks would be a good start.

Or perhaps some sort of restrictive leash-like device that disallows an “unnecessary” range of motion in order to prevent the discharge of loaded hands (arms cocked and hands palms-forward at chest height) would be more practical?

Obviously having people voluntarily turn in their hands for the greater good of society or starting a government-sponsored hand buy-back program to get more of these dangerous “weapons” off of the streets wouldn’t be practical. This would only give rise to a “greedy” prosthetic industry.

Due to the racial element of this latest tragedy, it may also be a good time to look at reclassifying certain categories of hands as more deadly than others. Lighter-colored hands are clearly more dangerous than the darker ones and as such should be factored into any new hand control measures.

Having strict hand control in place would have helped to prevent even the latest subway incident — a perfect storm where a lethal combination of guns, trains, and hands all came together.

Mayor Bloomberg again quickly grabbed hold of the moment and, in an apparent swipe at the NRA, said: “In recent weeks, we’ve heard some people say that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. But sometimes the good guys get shot — and sometimes, they are killed.” And then he said this: “Tonight, thank God, three good guys — three New York City police officers, who acted heroically — are going to make it.”

I’ll let the reader contemplate the brilliance of Bloomberg’s statements, as it appears that the only thing that stopped this bad guy with a gun was — a good guy with a gun. One does have to ask, though: why is it okay for these plainclothes armed officers to be placed in trains and not in public schools?

But again, why blame guns when it’s clear that it’s hands that were involved in this carnage as well? These evil hands even appear to have been made for this type of destruction, as they contain what is called a trigger finger. Contrary to popular belief, these guns can’t just fire themselves, and proper hand control would put an end to these senseless tragedies.

Come to think of it, it seems as though hands are involved in nearly every brutal murder or violent act we hear about in the news, so why not demand strict hand control as a way to solve all of society’s violence problems?

Now if we could just figure out what it is that is controlling these evil hands…


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